Monday, 18 February 2008

FRESH MEAT !


Well what a weekend . I was supposed to be venturing out on Saturday for a reconocance mission to the soon to be Cafe C. Sadly it was not to be, as Mr C was lured out , by the pair on the left , for a Friday night of wild partying and didnt surface till late afternoon on Saturday with a horrible hangover.
Dont you just hate it when that happens.





Sunday. I scampered up to Mr C's for a mysterious mission(How Exciting). Unfortunatley on my arrival I bent down to stroke little Lloyd , something twanged in my back , and I had to spend the rest of the day shambling about like Quasimodo , not being able to sit , stand up or walk properley.
Still the Beast is made of sterner stuff and still manfully accepted my brief to infiltrate the Sunday coffee meeting of the notorius Dorset Poofs and cause a diversion while Mr C sweet talked the organiser and secure the futur business for Cafe C.
So up we pitched . We were met at the door by 'the organiser' , all puffed up and pleased with himself and dead smarmy(Lady Bountiful syndrome). I was grabbed , releaved of a pound for 'administration' purposes (Did I realise how much organising this modest little gathering took) , a name tag was slapped on my chest and I was dismissivley shoved into a room clutching a cup of coffee and told to 'mingle'


Well ,I took one look at this lot , eyeing me up in a very lavicious and predatory manner..I may have imagined the reptilian hissss of Yum Yum fresh meat ......it was hard to tell over the lustfull grinding of dentures and the impassioned click of replacement hips.

I scarpered straight out the back door.
As I slammed the door , breathing a misplaced sigh of relief , as I suddenly realised I had blundered into the Lair of the Separatist Lesbians. A frosty silence ensued , as they glared at me .Trying of remember my 'what to do if attacked by an enraged dog' training . The only thing that occured to me is one shouldn't make any sudden moves , so I nonchalantly sipped my coffee and edged back towards the door .Luckily his business concluded Mr C appeared and rescued me at that point and we made a run for it (well more of a hunched shamble in my case).

It was then off home to gobble handfulls of pills and stuff a hot water bottle down the back of my trousers to ease my tortured spine as I lay sobbing on my bed of pain.

21 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I hope your back strain isn't being caused by man-boobs. Dolly Parton had to have her breasts reduced to deal with that problem. Funny about those lesbians being so hostile. They never seem that way in the lesbian movies I've watched.

MJ said...

That Separatist Lesbian's fist is asking you to bend over.

FirstNations said...

Well I've dedicated a whole damn post to you and I hope you're happy. Meanwhile you ventured forth into the realm of the Dorset Pooves without a digital camera and I am just APPALLED and DISSAPPOINTED all to hell because there was probably NUDITY AND CAPERING. Were you thinking of anything beside your own crippled ass? I THINK NOT. FINE THATS JUST FRICKEN FINE I DON'T CARE NO NOT ME I'll just wander off here by myself and.....and.....


*runs off sobbing*

Newforestandy said...

wow, if you look lie Quasimodo that must be a real improvement!

Beast at work said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I hope your back strain isn't being caused by man-boobs. Dolly Parton had to have her breasts reduced to deal with that problem. Funny about those lesbians being so hostile. They never seem that way in the lesbian movies I've watched.

Man Boobs Mr Bananas....how dare you . The lesbians dont look like the ones in Diedre's Photocasebook in the sun iether , very dissapionting

Beast at work said...

MJ said...
That Separatist Lesbian's fist is asking you to bend over.

Penis Envy Miss MJ pure and simple , I was lucky to escape with me life

Beast at work said...

FirstNations said...
Well I've dedicated a whole damn post to you and I hope you're happy. Meanwhile you ventured forth into the realm of the Dorset Pooves without a digital camera and I am just APPALLED and DISSAPPOINTED all to hell because there was probably NUDITY AND CAPERING. Were you thinking of anything beside your own crippled ass? I THINK NOT. FINE THATS JUST FRICKEN FINE I DON'T CARE NO NOT ME I'll just wander off here by myself and.....and.....


*runs off sobbing*

Dry your tears Miss FN , there was no Nekkid capering with buttered scones , but who knows what happened after I left , we can but imagine.
Wow a whole post dedicated to little old me...Awww thanks , it almost makes my agony bearable
***looks brave but is given away by quivering lip****

Beast at work said...

Newforestandy said...
wow, if you look lie Quasimodo that must be a real improvement!

Ist botox a wonderful thing mr NFA

MJ said...

Are you saying you won't let me nor FN butter your scones?

BEAST said...

Butter pffffft , you gotta have jam and clotted cream , its the only way

UBERMOUTH said...

LOL|Gorilla boobs!
You should have let the lesbians pummel your back into submission.

No Shit Sherlock said...

You should use rice wrapped in a towel and then heated in a microwave.
Uncooked rice, obviously.
Otherwise it would be gross, you wouldn't have a warm thing to put on the afflicted area and you would have to clean a towel whilst in agony.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

I just hope that your handful of pills enjoyed their gobble.

Say no more squire, nudge-nudge, wink-wink!!

Daisy said...

hey at least you made it out alive...and with such a wild tale...or was that tail...just glad to have you back beast ;)

Beast at Work said...

UBERMOUTH said...
LOL|Gorilla boobs!
You should have let the lesbians pummel your back into submission.

Uber , The Beast has firm pectorals ....ish. I was no match for the lesbian hordes , so I had to do a runner

Beast at Work said...

No Shit Sherlock said...
You should use rice wrapped in a towel and then heated in a microwave.
Uncooked rice, obviously.
Otherwise it would be gross, you wouldn't have a warm thing to put on the afflicted area and you would have to clean a towel whilst in agony.

Hurrah No shit your back. I wish I had read your comment properley before I blundered off on a rice cure
****scraping rice pudding out of pants****

Beast at work said...

killemallletgodsortemout said...
I just hope that your handful of pills enjoyed their gobble.
They are inanimate objects Mr Killem , I am not sure they would express an opinion iether way.But on the other hand if you have been gobbled by a beast.......

Say no more squire, nudge-nudge, wink-wink!!
Quick Daisy , get your rubber gloves on , Mr Killem seems to be having some sort of fit

Beast at Wor said...

Daisy said...
hey at least you made it out alive...and with such a wild tale...or was that tail...just glad to have you back beast ;)

It was a close run thing Daisy , No wonder the Dorset Sunday Poofs have such a fearsome reputation in these parts.....Awww thanks I am glad to be back with my blogging buds

Beast at Wo said...

Oh no bits are dropping off , I lost a 'K'

FirstNations said...

tell me you took the rice pudding out of your pants before venturing out to the workplace.
*secretly hopes NOT*
*warming butter in microwave*

Beast at work said...

Miss FN , it ok I dont think anyone noticed , I distracted them with a marvellous set of comedy breasts

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