Monday, 7 January 2008

OLD DOG , NEW TRICKS



The Beast has been a' pondering.
Comments have been made by a close friend that I never speak much about myself .
I don't know what they mean.
So I asked my mate Lady Muck if she thought this was true and she said enigmatically 'Well you don't give much away!'.
Harumph , so that cleared that up then !
So I pondered on this , and have come to the conclusion everyone is getting confused. If I was meant to emote or ejaculate 'feelings' at the drop of the hat or worse hold a spirited discussion on soft furnishings/fluffy kittens
I WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN A GIRL !.
The Beast is yearning for a simpler life .In times gone past all that would have been expected is to wander about , grunting a bit and trying not to catch your bits on the brambles , wallop anything that took your fancy and drag it back to The Beast Liar(I understand this is now called FOREPLAY) , where you would either stuff it in the oven , or just plain stuff it .
If you bumped into a primordial Jungle Jane or First Nations you could well find yourself on the receiving end of a bit of 'foreplay' (That's called NATURAL SELECTION).
Now I obviously need tips before I venture into the tricky waters of 'sharing' or I will soon be dashed against the rocks of 'inappropriate behaviour' or impaled on the dreaded 'sharing too much ' and sunk without trace.
Consider this a bit of therapy!




38 comments:

Tickersoid said...

You could always take other peoples comments as observations instead of criticisms.

And what happened to Lady Muck? she seems to have slipped out of the blogosphere again.

Gorilla Bananas said...

What you describe works well with female gorillas, but human females need to be chatted up. So I've heard.

Daisy said...

beast just be you...if it doesn't feel good...don't do it...i have seen some select posts where you give a hint to those who are looking for it...to be honest i enjoy you as you are...and am for one not looking for a change...

btw it is harder to change after 40...seems we get into our own patterns...

Newforestandy said...

OOh i think its best to stick with what you do best, keep going down the pier and grabbing/dragging people there. I cant say I have seen any brambles for catching your bits on tho!

MJ said...

Try these winning pick-up lines when you meet a woman…

Do you spit or swallow?

Do you give head to strangers? No? Then allow me to introduce myself.

There’s a party in my pants and you’re invited.

Lippy said...

You mean you're not a girl????? - when did this happen????:)

Anonymous said...

FUCKING ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN OR SAD BASTARDS WRITERS BLOCK... OR BOTH... BORN A GIRL-- DAHLING YOU HAVE PEACH BLINDS AND ORANGE CARPETS.. ALSO A COLECTION OF HOOVERS MOST SINGLE MOTHERS WOULD DIE FOR.. AND YOU DRIVE LIKE A GIRL TOO :-) YOU COULDT GET THE SEAT ANY MORE FORWARD... AS YOU CAN SEE THE DETOX IS GOING WELL... HELLO DAISEY... ONE YEAR CLOSER TO DEATH

MISS CINDY&CUNT COFFEE SHOP

MJ said...

Does Beast have the suction of a Hoover?

Daisy said...

oh miss cindy...you seem to think that you are telling me something i don't already know...there is some wisdom that comes with age my darling

Frobisher said...

Beast does drive like a girl, he knew where the vanity mirror was but had no idea about main beam on the headlights!

I could have died

FirstNations said...

well....fine. be that way. didn't want to know about you anyway. poop butt.

*whips out a little 'foreplay' fu*

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
You could always take other peoples comments as observations instead of criticisms.

And what happened to Lady Muck? she seems to have slipped out of the blogosphere again.

Depends wether it is delivered as an observation or a criticism Mr Ticks , I am not sure its the same Lady Muck that you are refferring to , that one dissapeared ages ago

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
What you describe works well with female gorillas, but human females need to be chatted up. So I've heard.

Maybe Mr B , I am a gorilla trapped in a mans body , is there species re assignment opps available on the NHS ?

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast just be you...if it doesn't feel good...don't do it...i have seen some select posts where you give a hint to those who are looking for it...to be honest i enjoy you as you are...and am for one not looking for a change...

btw it is harder to change after 40...seems we get into our own patterns...

Well its just being me that seems to cause all the problems....mind you you would have thought there are enough people in the world that are solely interested in talking only about themselves to keep the buggers occupied :-)

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
OOh i think its best to stick with what you do best, keep going down the pier and grabbing/dragging people there. I cant say I have seen any brambles for catching your bits on tho!
The Beast is turnng himself into a new man Mr NFA , god help the lot of you

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Try these winning pick-up lines when you meet a woman…

Do you spit or swallow?

Do you give head to strangers? No? Then allow me to introduce myself.

There’s a party in my pants and you’re invited.


If anyone was wondering at the level of sophistication in Canada....................

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
You mean you're not a girl????? - when did this happen????:)

Def not Lippy , I have checked , there are dangling things for sure

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
FUCKING ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN OR SAD BASTARDS WRITERS BLOCK... OR BOTH... BORN A GIRL-- DAHLING YOU HAVE PEACH BLINDS AND ORANGE CARPETS.. ALSO A COLECTION OF HOOVERS MOST SINGLE MOTHERS WOULD DIE FOR.. AND YOU DRIVE LIKE A GIRL TOO :-) YOU COULDT GET THE SEAT ANY MORE FORWARD... AS YOU CAN SEE THE DETOX IS GOING WELL... HELLO DAISEY... ONE YEAR CLOSER TO DEATH

MISS CINDY&CUNT COFFEE SHOP


I was hoping you would get writers block.....harumph

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Does Beast have the suction of a Hoover?

I would have the fillings out of your teeth MJ

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
oh miss cindy...you seem to think that you are telling me something i don't already know...there is some wisdom that comes with age my darling

Daisy , I wouldnt take any notice of MR C , a man of hidden shallows :-)

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
Beast does drive like a girl, he knew where the vanity mirror was but had no idea about main beam on the headlights!

I could have died


Main beam is for whimps Mr Frobisher

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
well....fine. be that way. didn't want to know about you anyway. poop butt.

*whips out a little 'foreplay' fu*


Ask me a question , go on any question !

mutleythedog said...

I have decided to give up on girls all together - I am sure I will be happy eventually...

Daisy said...

good plan mutley...girls are just...well girls...go for women they are more challenging and in the end worth the fight!

Daisy said...

beast if they want that crap...send them to my blog...lol...as you so amply put there are so many of those out there...i prefer to have you be the beast i have come to know and admire...plus i like flirting with you...:)

Daisy said...

mj...once i used the line "if i told you, you have a good body...would you hold it against me?"....it ended up getting me married...lmao

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley....have you concidered 'LadyBoys ' ??? The Hitch tells me its a win/win situation.

Daisy has been flirting with me
****Blushes and runs away*****

livesbythewoods said...

Now, I like the way you write because when you do talk about yourself, it's generally for a reason.

I tend to switch off from the deep dark night of the soul stuff a bit. But then I'm shallow.

Despite being a girl.

MJ said...

Daisy: I award you honourary Canadian citizenship.

BEAST said...

livesbythewoods said...
Now, I like the way you write because when you do talk about yourself, it's generally for a reason.

I tend to switch off from the deep dark night of the soul stuff a bit. But then I'm shallow.

Despite being a girl.

Oh dear LBTW are you one of those girls that belches and does pull my finger jokes ???'

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Daisy: I award you honourary Canadian citizenship.


I bet that ruined Daisy's day :-)

Anonymous said...

Breaking news on the girl front.. i borrowed the girly car .. and watt did i find in the boot.... brace yourselfs...

yummy mummy grow your own mushroom kitt(not mexican ones) girly ones.

also lovley clock with madonas face on it...

speedos in pink.. and alott of screwed up tissues (flower print)

theres a long river some where i cant think of the name ??

cunt under 40 and good looking...

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Breaking news on the girl front.. i borrowed the girly car .. and watt did i find in the boot.... brace yourselfs...

yummy mummy grow your own mushroom kitt(not mexican ones) girly ones.

also lovley clock with madonas face on it...

Both items were christmas prizes won from Ma Beasties prize sack ....and its Marylin Monroe on the clock you whelk


speedos in pink.. and alott of screwed up tissues (flower print)
The baby Jesus will punish you for telling fibs

theres a long river some where i cant think of the name ??
The Amazon ???.....any more clues ??

cunt under 40 and good looking...
I suppose being 50 % correct is good enough :-)

Daisy said...

MJ and beast...truly i am honoured by MJ's words...i even have a passport and could go and stalk her now that i have been invited...muahhhhhh

Daisy said...

beast...yes i am flirting...you should see what i am wearing while typing to you....mmmmm

Newforestandy said...

The Beast..... A New Man? IS this the start of the male menopause?

BEAST said...

Daisy . For heavens sakes you will catch a nasty chill blogging in your skimpies.

NFA its true the Beast is all touchy feely , caring sharing blah , blah blah , especially since I worked out , that new men go dutch for dinner dates . See now I still am after a shag but only have to pay for me own dinner....hurrah for that !

Daisy said...

well dammit anyway beast i was hoping for a warming arm...but am still bare shouldered...

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