Monday, 21 January 2008

FLOCK OF SEAGULLS


Before we start , we are not talking about the ugliest pop group EVER .But your genuine feathered fiends







I was sitting outside the gym having a pre workout , health filled cappuccino and a fag (that's a cigarette for our American cousins not a fake tanned Muscled Mary usually to be found preening in front of a mirror in ANY gym). Out of nowhere a huge flock of seagulls came , swooping and milling about in the sky , it was a wonderful sight , they really looked like they were enjoying themselves . My enthusiasm dampened somewhat when they swirled directly overhead and it started raining shite .Being a smart ass I was sitting under the roof overhang so remained gloriously un besmirched , but others that were sat out on the picnic benches were completely be splattered and were running about in fruitless guano dodging panic.
Apparently being crapped upon by an incontinent seagull is good luck , therefore I would like to ask those that were deluged with the stuff
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY ???
Ha Ha Ha , I sure felt blessed witnessing it

30 comments:

mutleythedog said...

Did you know that roof nesting herring gulls can actually summon up poop and vomit to splatter persons who get too close to their nests, at will? No, thought not!

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley , you are the fount of all knowledge. Can you imagine what the Bridport Flesh eating gulls cough up

Rob said...

They'll get you eventually. They always do.

Daisy said...

when i was little i used to feed them on the beach in melbourne florida so they would shit on the people laying in the sun...we would take clams and open them up for the gulls...it was a ball...

years later my husband was taking a picture and one shit in his eye...behind his glasses...he didn't feel so lucky...and i almost pissed myself laughing...

BEAST said...

Rob , they are probably waiting on my roof , holding it all in for a major strike.

Daisy I was standing talking to a friend of mine wearing a hideous hairy mohair jumper(her not me) , and she suddenly said 'Whats that n.... ***shovelfull of seagull shite splatters into the mohair*** oise. She swears she heard it whistle as it came down .....I nearly swallowed my tongue :-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's actually owl shit that is the luckiest variety to get on your fur. For that to happen, you might have to expose your pubes.

Daisy said...

i could not have that much couth beast...i fell to my knees laughing my fool head off...he was trying to brush it off...not with me...i couldn't help it...it was one of the funniest things i have ever seen...

FirstNations said...

you could have told me; geeze. next time knock on the window or something so i can see too.

butthead.

FirstNations said...

gulls used to drop clams on the roof of my school; it sounded like a meteor shower. when a train came past and they all startled up, though, what came showering down next was definitely NOT meteoric in nature. every day around 12:45 the train would whistle the crossing and a moment later several gallons of post-clam material would splatter across the entire wall of windows. as it was math class there was a certain 'life imitating art' feel to the whole thing too.

Anonymous said...

"I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls is one of the best records of the 80s

livesbythewoods said...

A mate tells a tale about going on a caravanning holiday that was marred by a group of rowdy youths in the next caravan.

On the last day of his holiday, he lobbed a load of fish onto the yobboes' roof to ensure maximum gull shrieking and crapping right over their heads.

Anonymous said...

WATT ALOAD OF COCK SUCKING BULL SHIT... DO ANOTHER BLOGG FAT BOY THIS IS SHITE--NOT EVEN THE LOVLEY DULL DAISEY COMMENTING ON IT... OR DOOM AND GLOOM.... AND WERE THE FUCK IS FN.... CUNTTT

Anonymous said...

OOOOPS I SCROLLED DOWN TO FAST.. HI FN XXXXX

Anonymous said...

OH DIDT SEE YOU THERE DULL DAISEY SORRY....

FirstNations said...

Mr. C you are being too harsh on poor Daisy. She is not dull. She is vibrant and witty, wonderful and wise and all the good things a purveyor of inflatable barnyard animals should be. Daisy is a sterling example of blogging genius; a cornerstone of integrity, a shining beacon of something high on a promontory of blogging quality!
*national anthem rises in the background*
yes, Daisy represents all that is good and true and heartfelt in the modern blogging genre; raised, welty and suffused with an angry red color, brazen and polyunsaturated, Daisy strides in 10 league boots across this great blogging nation of ours!! DAISY IS A GIANTESS AMONG GIANTS! HER TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!!!!!!
so leave her alone.

you arent too big for me to put over my knee, you know.
*smiling eagerly*

MJ said...

At the end of your smoke, were you left with a fag butt?

*sniggers a North American snigger*

Daisy said...

why FN thank you...

don't worry mr. c...i have been called worse by better than the likes of you...

Anonymous said...

Theres nothing wrong in being dull... i worked on a farm with a cow called daisy... she was bags of fun :-) fucking tree huggers cant have any fun.. bring back hunting...

cunt

BEAST said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BEAST said...

Mr Bananas , I always have my shirt open to show off my chest wig (Which is machine washable and drip dry).
Daisy , I know a bit of 'toilet' humour never goes amiss .You have to admire the birds aim.
Miss FN. Butthead indeed . Seagulls do occasionally do something shocking on my car , you have to wonder what they have been eating. yuk.
Anon1 . They were still damned ugly tho. you have to admit.
LBtW . Good plan I hope it had the required result.

Ah Mr C. It was gull shite not bull shite. A flock of flying bulls is ridiculous have you been taking drugs ?
and following that well said FN Daisy is not dull , I will hold the blighter down while you give him what for.
Daisy , its a back handed compliment in a way. If you met some of the people Mr C finds 'interesting' you would appreciate what i mean.

MJ was that a canadian joke ?
How those long winter evenings must fly by

mutleythedog said...

Humming bird shit tastes sweet apparently.. but is almost instantaneously fatal..

BEAST said...

i shall avoid humming birds then Mr M , do they have a habit of crapping in peoples mouths ?
they probably do in Bridport

Newforestandy said...

Imagine if it had been a herd of flying cattle! Am sure the effect would be as bad as the present flooding up in Yorkshire!

Incidentally i thought you were the Muscle Mary that parades in front of the mirror at the gym?

Daisy said...

oh that explains so much...mr. c i had no idea you were a farm boy...how baaaaddd of me not to recognize...

FirstNations said...

daisy: explains the bull, though!

mr. C: don't make me chase you! come here! i'm going to warm that bottom of yours for you! you won't sit down for a week without thinking of me!
or....or, words to that effect!

*slinks off*

BEAST said...

MR NFA , a fake tanned Beast in a posing pouch....what a nasty thought.

Daisy , Mr C is indeed a country bumpkin.not like us sophisticated city folk ***wipes nose on sleeve***

FN Beastbites is bidding to become the webs premier Corperal Punishment site. Mr C can be our glowing cheeked pin up , get slappin and call me when you ready for the close up

Tickersoid said...

A fake tanned Beast, in posing pouch, 'avin' a faaaaaag.

I'm starting to 'get a bit of wind in him'.

Anonymous said...

ELLOOO

BEAST said...

Do you suffer from wind often Mr Ticks ???

Hellooo Mr C

Ms Smack said...

Am more than happy to admit that I did not indulge in any Flocking of the Seagulls....

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