Poor Beastie is doomed.
About three years ago , I finished work on Christmas Eve . In a fever of excitement I pedalled off in the pouring rain , hoping to jump in my car ready for the three hour drive to Ma Beasties , where the entire Beast clan was waiting to start the Christmas festivities.
Only some idjit left a few stray logs lying in the road , which I didn't see in the pouring rain...... I fell off my bike and buckled the front wheel.
With much muttering and mouthing of rich Christmas oaths I limped off down the road wheeling my poor wrecked bike.
It rained harder and harder , and within 15 minutes I was soaked to the skin , water was squishing out of my trainers with every step and my trackie bottoms were so waterlogged , they began to stretch, so the legs were dragging on the floor and the crutch was dangling between my knees like a festively filled nappy.
About half way home , I had to pass Charity Santa's house.
Charity Santa does a big show every year , the biggest and best house bling you ever saw , and he dresses as Santa and lurks for hours in a little tent on the roadside greeting throngs of children and parents , that come from miles around , he collects a fortune for various charities and makes thousands of kids Christmas a bit special.
As I dragged my sorry soaking self plus ruined bike past 'Santa's Grotto' , which was completely deserted due to the howling storm . Out popped attention seeking 'Charity Santa' and cheerfully shouted
'HO HO HO YOUNG MAN.... YOU LOOK A BIT WET'
to which I responded(not being in the best or most charitable of moods at this stage)
'FUCK OFF'
'WANKER'.........
I insulted charity Santa..... :-(
Now I am cursed
Forever
And its serves me right !
Happy Christmas to one and all. I hope you all have a relaxed and happy time , whatever your doing
19 comments:
I would not worry about it, you were getting coal anyway.
If you send a cheque to me, I can remove the curse.
Happy Xmas MM. Wheres your blog gone.....or have you been removed for conduct unbecoming etc etc.
MJ would that be a cheque printed on a picture of my lithe and muscular ass ???
oh my head hurts, do you think thats a curse from father xmas or was it his clone that cursed me.... merry xmas beast....lol
I cant imagine anyone cursing you Mr C
***sticks pin in Mr C voodoo doll***
***looks all innocent like***
Must be a hangover
You can easily remove the curse, Beast. Just put on Santa's beard and kiss the fairy three times. Make sure you shave your pubes first.
i asked a specialist in the Santa field.
The Goonybird says: "Santa Claus will write down that bad guys name and then he would walk up and walk up and SHOOT HIM WITH A GUN."
that is a direct quotation.
you are SO SCREWED.
Do not worry - he is not the real Santa - take care Beasty - I hope you have a good xmas - I shall be posting on Christmas day - obviously!!
LMAO- everyone is hating on poor Santa this year.
don't worry beast...it wasn't really santa...just a drunk with a beard and he would have been cursed nonetheless...santa doesn't like those impersonators so you should have pleanty under the tree...unless you have been bad in yet another way, i cannot imagine YOU being bad...but the possibility does exist
Proper order says I.
I would have probably sent him a Christmas Salute myself.
Merry Christmas!
Mr B , no curse is worth a brazilian..... its winter you know , I need all the insulation I can get.
FN ....see Its as i feared , the goony knows these things.
Mr M. Its worse than real Santa....its Charity Santa . A double whammy.Of course you will be posting on christmas day , you cant dissapiont your legion of fans.
Uber . Its nothing to be proud of , but I am sure he got over it :-)
Daisy . The Beast is a sometimes a right goody two shoes....
SID thats a very enigmatic comment....have you been at the irish whisky ???
Happy christmas Mr H - poor charity Santa , I suppose those who seek attention , cannot then complain about the type of attention they get
SID is an enigma wrapped around a whiskey bottle.
All future comments will make sense to you when you accept this fact.
I have made tiny pies.
did that make sense?
Merry Crimbo, Beastly!
Merry Crimbo, you fat cunt.
I hope you left a mince pie out for the other fat cunt.
Merry Christmas Beast!
*belch*
MJ . I shall bear that in mind
FN - did you
Are they for your tiny guests
The beast likes a BIG pie
P & T. Ma Beasty has been doing her level best to bolster the Beasts size - I know what a foi Gra Goose feels like now.
Frobisher. Thank you for sharing
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