Friday, 21 December 2007

CURSED FOR CHRISTMAS



Poor Beastie is doomed.

About three years ago , I finished work on Christmas Eve . In a fever of excitement I pedalled off in the pouring rain , hoping to jump in my car ready for the three hour drive to Ma Beasties , where the entire Beast clan was waiting to start the Christmas festivities.

Only some idjit left a few stray logs lying in the road , which I didn't see in the pouring rain...... I fell off my bike and buckled the front wheel.

With much muttering and mouthing of rich Christmas oaths I limped off down the road wheeling my poor wrecked bike.

It rained harder and harder , and within 15 minutes I was soaked to the skin , water was squishing out of my trainers with every step and my trackie bottoms were so waterlogged , they began to stretch, so the legs were dragging on the floor and the crutch was dangling between my knees like a festively filled nappy.

About half way home , I had to pass Charity Santa's house.

Charity Santa does a big show every year , the biggest and best house bling you ever saw , and he dresses as Santa and lurks for hours in a little tent on the roadside greeting throngs of children and parents , that come from miles around , he collects a fortune for various charities and makes thousands of kids Christmas a bit special.

As I dragged my sorry soaking self plus ruined bike past 'Santa's Grotto' , which was completely deserted due to the howling storm . Out popped attention seeking 'Charity Santa' and cheerfully shouted

'HO HO HO YOUNG MAN.... YOU LOOK A BIT WET'

to which I responded(not being in the best or most charitable of moods at this stage)

'FUCK OFF'

'WANKER'.........

I insulted charity Santa..... :-(

Now I am cursed

Forever

And its serves me right !

Happy Christmas to one and all. I hope you all have a relaxed and happy time , whatever your doing

19 comments:

Mental Mac said...

I would not worry about it, you were getting coal anyway.

MJ said...

If you send a cheque to me, I can remove the curse.

BEAST said...

Happy Xmas MM. Wheres your blog gone.....or have you been removed for conduct unbecoming etc etc.

MJ would that be a cheque printed on a picture of my lithe and muscular ass ???

Anonymous said...

oh my head hurts, do you think thats a curse from father xmas or was it his clone that cursed me.... merry xmas beast....lol

BEAST said...

I cant imagine anyone cursing you Mr C

***sticks pin in Mr C voodoo doll***

***looks all innocent like***

Must be a hangover

Gorilla Bananas said...

You can easily remove the curse, Beast. Just put on Santa's beard and kiss the fairy three times. Make sure you shave your pubes first.

FirstNations said...

i asked a specialist in the Santa field.
The Goonybird says: "Santa Claus will write down that bad guys name and then he would walk up and walk up and SHOOT HIM WITH A GUN."

that is a direct quotation.

you are SO SCREWED.

mutleythedog said...

Do not worry - he is not the real Santa - take care Beasty - I hope you have a good xmas - I shall be posting on Christmas day - obviously!!

UBERMOUTH said...

LMAO- everyone is hating on poor Santa this year.

Daisy said...

don't worry beast...it wasn't really santa...just a drunk with a beard and he would have been cursed nonetheless...santa doesn't like those impersonators so you should have pleanty under the tree...unless you have been bad in yet another way, i cannot imagine YOU being bad...but the possibility does exist

S.I.D. said...

Proper order says I.

Hammer said...

I would have probably sent him a Christmas Salute myself.


Merry Christmas!

BEAST said...

Mr B , no curse is worth a brazilian..... its winter you know , I need all the insulation I can get.
FN ....see Its as i feared , the goony knows these things.

Mr M. Its worse than real Santa....its Charity Santa . A double whammy.Of course you will be posting on christmas day , you cant dissapiont your legion of fans.
Uber . Its nothing to be proud of , but I am sure he got over it :-)
Daisy . The Beast is a sometimes a right goody two shoes....

SID thats a very enigmatic comment....have you been at the irish whisky ???

Happy christmas Mr H - poor charity Santa , I suppose those who seek attention , cannot then complain about the type of attention they get

MJ said...

SID is an enigma wrapped around a whiskey bottle.

All future comments will make sense to you when you accept this fact.

FirstNations said...

I have made tiny pies.
did that make sense?

MJ said...

Merry Crimbo, Beastly!

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Merry Crimbo, you fat cunt.

I hope you left a mince pie out for the other fat cunt.

Frobisher said...

Merry Christmas Beast!

*belch*

BEAST said...

MJ . I shall bear that in mind

FN - did you
Are they for your tiny guests
The beast likes a BIG pie

P & T. Ma Beasty has been doing her level best to bolster the Beasts size - I know what a foi Gra Goose feels like now.

Frobisher. Thank you for sharing

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