Thursday, 26 April 2007

CRUDITIES


Reduced calorie intake and The Beast , are not happy bed fellows.It's all about volume . Take for example those pathetic little lean cuisine meals , one of those would keep me going for about 10 minutes , I would soon be found laying face down in the local supermarkets cream cake counter , snorting like truffling pig , credit card stuck in me butt crack so the manager could just whip it out and charge my intake every hour or so .Then I discovered the wonder of crudities....... I can eat me own body weight in chopped up vegetable matter for very little calorific value.I can chomp away all night , dipping and chewing , while I blog or lay comatose on me sofa watching telly , which brings me to American Idol.

At last the dreadfull Sanjaya got the boot , how the hell did this mincing , no talent , streak of whatever manage to hang on for so long. He used to set my teeth on edge at the mere mention of his name , and then I would spend the next 10 min lobbing bits of shredded carrot and pepper at the tv screen (which is a shocking waste for a hungry Beast).
Ryan Seacrest !! - he looks like kermit the frog , and seems to be very , very short :-)

Todays good news is , I am having my work buds round for an evening of cards , pizza and pancakes
Yum

14 comments:

Lippy said...

On the low carb front let me highly reccomend grilled goats or sheep's cheese and strawberry salad.

It goes like this - mixed leaves from bag , sliced strawberries - dress with balsamic vinegar ( no oil) grill two slices of goats cheese, bit more vinegar and bob's your dog!

I was watching "I know what you ate last summer" trying to get the motivation back for the last 11lbs!

Frobisher said...

Will you be playing "Old Maid" Beast?

"mixed leaves from bag" - shame on you Lippy, do you know they wash the stuff in bags in chlorine?

BEAST said...

Lippy ...that sounds like a light snack Chez Beasty , that wouldnt last me past 7 pm.

Frobisher , we will be playing a variety of games like 'strip Jack Nekkid' and 'Scabby Annie' ....if Jack and Annie dont show up , its gonna be Happy Families I am afraid

Newforestandy said...

Frobisher, I thought Beast WAS the 'Old Maid' why should he need to play the game?

I thought Beast, you head dived into the creak cakes and donut counter every time you hit the supermarket, we have your photo and warning up in our store, in case you visit us!

Newforestandy said...

Ooooh should have been cream cakes, although in Boscombe you may well have Crack cakes?

Hammer said...

I just ate peanutbutter and celery
until my mouth was glued shut.

Sanjaya it the weirdest hermaphrodite thing I have ever seen. He looks like he was made in a test tube at Michael Jackson Laboroatories.

First Nations said...

you are going to shit an entire tickertape parade, you know.

mutleythedog said...

Lard and lead shot is good for gaining weight Mr B!! Keep it up!

Frobisher said...

Ha ha ha! glad you got my joke Mr NewForestPony.

I am thinking of deleting Beast off my Links

jungle jane said...

oh ffs beastie. i have two words for you:

"illegal diet pills purchased off the internet".

Dude. Get with the program....

First Nations said...

...every time i'm glad you're back i go to your place and the scary bloody lady with her twat out is there.

tell me the scary twat lady is gone, ms. jungly jane.

jungle jane said...

The twat has gone FN! Replaced by the lovely moi.

Beastie, i just popped in to see if you would lend me a hundred quid, a couple of carrots and a jar of cooking oil?

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley , cardboard and lard is one of our favourite suppers chez beasty , when times are hard...yum.
Mr Forbisher how dare you , if I had any links I would remove you imediatley.
FN , my perfectly formed bowels are performing as usual....the beast has cast iron guts.
JJ HELLO.....well you are a sight for sore eyes, scary twat and all , .The best I can do is a fiver , a jar of reclaimed vaseline , a plastic cup of stale urine , and something hairy from the salad crisper in the fridge than may once have been a carrot

BEAST said...

Mr Hammer , celery and peanut butter.....your so sophisticated !

JJ I can count
"illegal diet pills purchased off the internet".
is more than 5 words (I was holding a rabbit by the ears with the other hand so only had 5 available digits for counting)

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