HARD LABOUR

The Beast has spent the last couple of weekends doing hard labour for friends.

Gardening with Mr C last weekend and smashing up concrete and stuff for my mates Al and the lovely Nicola this weekend . I quiet enjoyed it as it happens.There is something very satifying about going wild with a sledgehammer and getting absolutely filthy , Its a simple pleasure that we dont do enough of as adults . I collapsed in a sweaty , besplattered heap , gutsed BBQ's sausages and burgers and quaffed wine , I could relax in the knowledge that I had earned the grub , drink , a good hot shower and I night of innocent slumber :-) .

Popped over to see Mr C , who was very mono sylabic , I was about as welcome as a dose of crabs :-( .......still the dogs enjoyed seeing me :-)

Ma and Pa Beasty are about to arrive , Ma Beasty has promised to make her ' brave little soldier' a special sheperds pie.....yum , I have been texting my brothers to tell them and started a right rumpus about favourtism.every old childhood injustice is currently being dragged out into the light of day..get a grip boys its only a delicious mix of lamb and spuds.....AND ITS ALL MINE....he he he

CRUDITIES

Reduced calorie intake and The Beast , are not happy bed fellows.It's all about volume . Take for example those pathetic little lean cuisine meals , one of those would keep me going for about 10 minutes , I would soon be found laying face down in the local supermarkets cream cake counter , snorting like truffling pig , credit card stuck in me butt crack so the manager could just whip it out and charge my intake every hour or so .Then I discovered the wonder of crudities....... I can eat me own body weight in chopped up vegetable matter for very little calorific value.I can chomp away all night , dipping and chewing , while I blog or lay comatose on me sofa watching telly , which brings me to American Idol.

At last the dreadfull Sanjaya got the boot , how the hell did this mincing , no talent , streak of whatever manage to hang on for so long. He used to set my teeth on edge at the mere mention of his name , and then I would spend the next 10 min lobbing bits of shredded carrot and pepper at the tv screen (which is a shocking waste for a hungry Beast).
Ryan Seacrest !! - he looks like kermit the frog , and seems to be very , very short :-)

Todays good news is , I am having my work buds round for an evening of cards , pizza and pancakes
Yum

FISH FINGERS

This weekends discoveries.
Number 1. Bunged up
I have been having problems with blogging of late (I am blocked lovies) , but then i discovered, its the kitchen......I cant blog in the kitchen....my mind just goes blank(maybe its stuff singing to me from the fridge - eat me Beastie , eat me , maybe its the chair).So I have relocated and we will see if my muse returns :-)








Number 2. Working with Mr C.
Blimey Hitler in shorts or what !!!!.

Accusations of botching , starvation , derogetary remarks , hours toiling in the broiling sun , a whole sorry tale of slavery and degredation.If I lived in Africa they would be holding concerts for me . Madonna and Fish Lips would be scrapping over who gets to adopt my children , wandering celebrities would be hounding me for caring photo oppertunities.

But no it was drag myself home , a frail and broken Beast , for a sad and lonely fish fingers and potato waffle sandwich for one :-(

NO PEACE FOR THE WICKED

Greetings my lovely's , sorry I have not been blogging for a week , but its been rather busy.

I have been running about , Point to point (amateur horse racing for the un informed) with Mr C and the lovely Jackie (pictured left) , work , gardening , dog walking , housework , shopping , more work , gym....blah , blah , blah.I am completely worn out . Hopefully I shall have time to blog again later.

When the loverly Jackie has had one sherry too many , she gets all nostalgic , then rambles off about past friends , for example she will say , oh I do so miss Mandy* (usually friends she shared with Mr C) , do you remember how she got so drunk she crapped in so and so's handbag , broke all the windows in the pub , slept with all her best friends boyfriends , threw up on the vicar , pissed her pants in the indian restaurant** etc etc etc (you get the picture) and will finish this catalog of horrors by getting all misty eyed and saying Oh Beast you would have really liked her , she was SO SWEET!!!.
Eh?
HA HA HA HA HA

Sounds a regular Mother Theresa :-)


*Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent

** the list usually goes on for a good hour and a half

ITS AN OUTRAGE

I was searching for pictures of some of our local lost culinary treasures.
My mission was to find a picture of the delicious yet humble Dorset Knob (its a biscuit not the type of 'knob' you will normally see on Frobishersfunpages).
All I can find is a picture of a Box of Dorset Knobs.
I am insensed , I had no more luck with a picture of a steamed pudding called a 'Pigs Bum ' (because its pink ! not becuase it smells like a pigs arse) , and had some shocking results when searching on Blue Vinny (a blue veined dorset cheese) altho one or more of the nekkid gents in the pics were possibly hiding a portion under their foreskin('s) , sure looked skanky enough.



So I am giving up on this post.....forever
Goodbye
:-(

A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY

Do you know something , in all my 40 odd years on this planet , no one has ever brought me a chocolate easter egg......EVER.

When we were kids my parents couldnt afford it , but bless em they used to make a real effort with all these sorts of things , filling egg shells with Jelly and cornflake chocolate cakes and stuff , but chocolate eggs where off the menu as they were just too expensive .Then as you get older , all the chocolate goodies tend to be concentrated on the next generation of kids.

All I ever wanted was just one , wrapped in glittery foil , not bothered about it being filled with manky chocolate bars or wether it sitting bestride a cheap and nasty mug.

Did Jesus die on the cross so Beast could'nt have an egg......I dont think so , the heavenly throng are probably weeping at this hidious injustice(thats why it always rains at easter).

Its not good enough to go and buy your own, thats like kerb crawling , and likewise you cant just give someone the money to go and by one for you (pimping).

Its gotta be spontanious , and its probably never going to happen :-( .

So enjoy your easter breaks one and all , and spare a poor deprived Beast a thought as you sit chocolate besplattered, satiated and content.

Is there anything from your childhood that you never got that you still crave beyond reason today ???