Monday, 8 June 2009

SOCIAL DEATH

On Friday afternoon I was wandering down Dorchester high street en route for Cafe C , when I spotted Mr C striding towards me with a determined gait and a mad glint in his eye .
As this usually portends me being sent off to the local purveyor of fine food and wine , with an enormous list and no assistance , I was very fleet of foot and dodged into the local chemists , ducked below the level of the shelving and scuttled for safe haven.
Sadly I had been spotted and Mr C ran me to ground and cornered me in the colon health aisle.
As it turns out , this was rather unfortunate as Mr C exclaimed gleefully and VERY LOUDLY
'I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AS FINALLY THEY HAVE CLEANED OUT MY BACK PASSAGE!!!

I know what your thinking











But he was actually referring to a long running refuse collection issue








Sadly any explanation would have looked feeble to the startled old lady who choked and ejaculated her dentures into the health food aisle. I think I made a valiant effort to muster my tattered dignity and exited the store under a cloud of disapproving glares and the leaden sound of chi chi cocktail party and social event invitations being torn up !

30 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

You should have offered the old lady a clean out of her own, I'm sure they love it at that age.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Don't forget all those fetes and garden parties that are now also off limits.

Poor Beast.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Because we all know that Mr C's 'other' back passage couldn't possibly ever be clean.

KAZ said...

You have identified one of my long term problems.
I also have a back passage and cannot find suitable terminology to use when I ring the council to complain about its condition.

Vermilion Cream said...

Why are people so sensitive about colonic? It's no different to having a good swish on a bidet.
Vx

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
You should have offered the old lady a clean out of her own, I'm sure they love it at that age.
She can do it herself Mr B should the mood take her :-)

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
Don't forget all those fetes and garden parties that are now also off limits.

Poor Beast.
Oh thats right rub it in !

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Because we all know that Mr C's 'other' back passage couldn't possibly ever be clean.
Do we Mr Piggy ??? we do have inside plumbing and hot water in the south :-)

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
You have identified one of my long term problems.
I also have a back passage and cannot find suitable terminology to use when I ring the council to complain about its condition.
he he he Kaz , that made me snigger in a very unnatrative schollboyish manner

BEAST said...

Vermilion Cream said...
Why are people so sensitive about colonic? It's no different to having a good swish on a bidet.
More like power washing your car while standing on your hands nekkid Miss Cream

MJ said...

I disapprove of the company you keep in your comments section.

eroswings said...

Oh, don't worry Beast. I'm sure once the news gets out, you'll be invited to all sorts of, shall we say alternative, fun new parties!

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I disapprove of the company you keep in your comments section.

Who do you dissaprove of in particular Miss MJ and why (We want grubby details)

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Oh, don't worry Beast. I'm sure once the news gets out, you'll be invited to all sorts of, shall we say alternative, fun new parties!

Oh but I do worry Mr E , my reputation is in tatters

mutleythedog said...

If you think you have offended the curate then disabuse yourself .... he was thrilled! ....oh yeah.

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
If you think you have offended the curate then disabuse yourself .... he was thrilled! ....oh yeah.
I am sure he was Mr M , an invite to his infamous 'cream teas' are used to frighten small children in these parts
***shudders***

MJ said...

If an old lady ejaculated her dentures in front of you, perhaps she was coming on to you.

She just wanted to give you a good gumming.

BEAST said...

I have some standards Miss MJ ,it takes more than an octogenarian floozy gnashing her gums to get the Beast going
Her support hose and waling frame were kinda sexy tho....the minx!

The Old Tarf said...

little hosing down does everyone a little good.

Mrs Tarf is constantly turning the fire hose on me to cool me down. She says I over heat too fast.

Scarlet-Blue said...

I'd wail if someone turned a hose on me.
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Christ! What's Vermilion doing here... I will have a word.
Sx

mutleythedog said...

We think Vermillion is rather cute Ms Scarlet, also she knows Rugby songs....

Scarlet-Blue said...

How did you know about the Rugby songs, Mr Mutts?
Sx

MJ said...

Where is my Mr. Poopy Pants?

Scarlet-Blue said...

I think he's pooped.
Sx

BEAST said...

I am still alive
Just!!!
But havnt had time to do ANYTHING .
Hopefully will be back to normal on Sunday

MJ said...

Are you having an enema or has Mr. C chained you to a sink full of dirty dishes?

I won't expect an answer 'til Sunday.

MJ said...

By the way, since you aren't around to answer Wednesday's question at Infomaniac, Miss Scarlet has volunteered you to be the arse end of a pantomime cow.

Just thought you should know.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Erm....
Sx

eroswings said...

So you're spending all your time with the dentures lady from the pharmacy?

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