Thursday, 13 March 2008

On Yer Bike


The Beast is all excited.
At the end of last year my bike was nicked from outside the gym. Despite being chained up against the glass wall of the customer service office , with 5 customer service reps sat on their lazy asses staring at my bike not 4 feet away , someone still managed to waltz up , cut both locks with bolt cutters and waltz off with it.
Well now I have a new bike.
Its fanny* magnet black , sleek and shiny , Mr C bought me new (Barbie)mud catchers , so I will not be be splattered. Now the weather has calmed down a bit I will be climbing into my cycle shorts(there is nothing like the feeling of chamois leather polishing ya crown jewels as you pedal) and peddling into work.
By the summer I shall have thighs like polished marble


The Gaskers being out doors types are already planning some pub related country cycle rides. I do hope they dress appropriately this time , dangling parts and bicycle chains don't mix in my book.


* That's a European front bottom type fanny not a US Arse type fanny

28 comments:

Daisy said...

oh i so love marbled thighs!!!!

and i am first...yeah!

Beast at Work said...

Daisy , you are indeed first. You wait , these thighs are gonna be good :-)

Ms Smack said...

hahahah so hot!

laughed aloud at Fanny Magnet Bike.

MJ said...

May I sniff your bicycle seat?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Where's the room for a fanny when you're on the bike? Maybe you need a tandem where one of the seats vibrates when you peddle. Don't hog that seat yourself!

Newforestandy said...

I take it you will be dispatching a warning to all local residents? I would hate to think of all the people that could suffer from 'beastbike syndrome' caused by you in your cycle shorts? May I suggest you supply a public notice thru the local council, boscombe pier group and through the local press?

BEAST said...

Ms Smack said...
hahahah so hot!

laughed aloud at Fanny Magnet Bike


its so sexy Ms Smack , even MJ wants to sniff my saddle

BEAST said...

MJ said...
May I sniff your bicycle seat?

****Big Sigh*** If you must Miss MJ

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Where's the room for a fanny when you're on the bike? Maybe you need a tandem where one of the seats vibrates when you peddle. Don't hog that seat yourself!

Mr Bananas sounds a dangerous idea the Beast is always concious of road saftey and secondly my prostate is NOT a space hopper ,and would not appreciate being pummeled like a tenderised steak

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
I take it you will be dispatching a warning to all local residents? I would hate to think of all the people that could suffer from 'beastbike syndrome' caused by you in your cycle shorts? May I suggest you supply a public notice thru the local council, boscombe pier group and through the local press?
I look like a set of bagpipes in my cycle shorts Mr NFA :-(

Pink Drama said...

barbie mud flaps? hahahaha! he should have sprung for the spongebob ones. they're so much more macho man for your fanny bike than barbie.

speaking of dangly parts, i'm guessing you've had an accident during which your dangly parts had an accident?

UBERMOUTH said...

I would loved to have seen a penny farthing sail past, especially wiht asuit and hat on.
Can you image what they would have thought seeing lycra cycle shorts in their day?

Beast at work said...

Pink Drama said...
barbie mud flaps? hahahaha! he should have sprung for the spongebob ones. they're so much more macho man for your fanny bike than barbie.

speaking of dangly parts, i'm guessing you've had an accident during which your dangly parts had an accident?

Pinky , no chance , I just have an active imagination. There are some things that are just wrong . Nekkid bike riding is one of them . Have you ever seen those documentaries they occasionaly do about naturist resorts , another thing that just wrong on so many levels is nekkid shopping(where do you keep your wallet ???? )

Beast at work said...

UBERMOUTH said...
I would loved to have seen a penny farthing sail past, especially wiht asuit and hat on.
Can you image what they would have thought seeing lycra cycle shorts in their day?


Lycra looks good on very few people.....I am not one of them . An overstuffed Bratwurst is not an attractive look

Frobisher said...

*get bolt croppers out in anticipation*

Mu Tai Dong said...

Too fat and fatter than fat for cycles!!!!!

FirstNations said...

1. Mu Tai!!!!!

2. you know that pair of handcuffs you have dangling from the rear view mirror of your car? use those as a bicycle lock! i mean, they're just decoration, right?
you never use them for anything other than decoration, right?


right?

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
*get bolt croppers out in anticipation*

I knew the mention of Barbie accesories would get you going Mr Frobisher

BEAST said...

Mu Tai Dong said...
Too fat and fatter than fat for cycles!!!!!

Its ok Miss Mu the re enforced lycra holds it all in

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
1. Mu Tai!!!!!
Yes she is back

2. you know that pair of handcuffs you have dangling from the rear view mirror of your car? use those as a bicycle lock! i mean, they're just decoration, right?
you never use them for anything other than decoration, right?


right?

Them aint handcuffs , thems stirrups......go figure

UBERMOUTH said...

Someone ring for a lazy trollop?

Tickersoid said...

Tickers cycling experience.

Think I'll cycle to the shops.

Oh, the tyres are soft.

Where's the pump?.

*rumages around for longer than it would take to cycle to the shops*

Fuck it, I'll take the car.

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
Someone ring for a lazy trollop?

Hurrah , Uber has cast off her enniu and posted , I shall read when I finish me chores :-)

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
Tickers cycling experience.

Think I'll cycle to the shops.

Oh, the tyres are soft.

Where's the pump?.

*rumages around for longer than it would take to cycle to the shops*

Fuck it, I'll take the car.

I knowthe feeling Mr Ticks, someone who shall remain nameless has pinched me foot pump Grrrrrrrrr

MJ said...

What chores might those be?

BEAST said...

Well Miss MJ since my bitch of an east european cleaner went and got herself deported , I am having to clean the Beasts Lair meself.
So I am a dusting and a vacuuming (nekkid of course).
A Beasts work is never done :-(

FirstNations said...

as long as you stay off Chuckanut Drive you can cycle where the whim takes you. FULLY CLOTHED. wearing handcuffs. with your dyson.

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

Nude cycling, no no no! Skid marks on the leather cycle seats, can't be having with that - especially as they're suede, its a swine to brush nuggets out of.

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