Tuesday, 4 March 2008

The Wee Small Hours


It has been said before , The Beast is going to the dogs.
As previously posted I was not having a good day yesterday , and then suddenly found myself sole carer for two dogs . Alfie and Lloyd. So I planned my evening around dealing with my canine chums , who are always a bit uptight when away from there daddy. We had our dinner , and then set out for an evenings walking , down to the beach , frollicked in the sand then wandered back home again. Which we all enjoyed and the dogs were magnificently behaved.
Alfie is always good , but Lloyd is a bit of a gangster. If anyone is going to take a leak on the floor or curl out a crafty dump in one of your trainers its Lloyd....... and you know he did it on purpose , just to make a point.
After a pleasant evening we retired to bed , Lloyd curled up in his little nest on the chair , and Alfie on his bed on the floor.Some time during the night Alfie sneaked up and snuggled up on my bed , and probably due to the two hour walk fell into a deep in continent sleep. I awoke at 5am lying in a big old wet patch. Duvet , sheets , mattress all warm wet and steaming.
This is the second time Alfie has done this to me ......and its a brand new mattress.
As if this wasn't bad enough , the thing that will have the Beast biting lumps out of the dinning room table will be Mr C's reaction.......
I can picture it now
***accusatory look***
followed by an Exclamation of ' Its funny how he only ever does it to you !'
Yeah Hilarious.....
So funny I almost WET MYSELF
but then again I didnt need to.

33 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Whatever happened to the good, old-fashioned dog kennel in the back yard? What's good enough for Snoopy is good enough for Alfus and Doofus.

FirstNations said...

Go to Yahoo US and hit:

http://www.allsclean.com./

they have the BEST cleaners and urine treatment product made, and YES, it is worth the $$ because whiz, like shit, happens. and new mattresses are EXPENSIVE. the new products are enzyme based, so they actually break down the whiz, not just get rid of the smell. later you come through with the upholstery cleaning attachment of your rug shampooer and rinse it all out with a mild warm water solution once it's had a chance to work. (even if it says you don't have to...you do. takes three minutes.) the enzyme stuff doesn't leave the greasy 'reappearing ghost of pee' spot because the grease component has been destroyed! but if you just leave it on there, eventually there will be a darker place simply because the substance has not been removed. so, yeah.
Katy O'Toole the former maid speaking here.

BEAST said...

Mr Bananas. Awww bless em poor litle Lloyd doesnt have much hair , so he feels the cold.

Miss FN . Ta , I wil have a look,when I changed the last mattress (it was too hard) I was glad when the delivery men removed it under cover of darkness , as Alfie's previous explosion was a shocking looking affair , and all the neighbours would have thought it was me

Hammer said...

Sometimes dogs will do that to avoid leaving your side.

Most dogs won't pee where they sleep, might be a good idea to get a veternarian's opinion.

BEAST said...

Mr Hammer, I think he was really deep asleep , probably dreaming of pissin up a tree or somesuch. It has sometimes been remarked upon by the dogs Daddy that I have the personality of a plank :-)

FirstNations said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FirstNations said...

I looked it up, and it can be caused by exactly what Hammer said; not wanting to leave your side, feeling insecure. it also can be caused by a mild urinary tract infection, or aftereffects of spay/neuter finally catching up with woofie years down the road.

MJ said...

If you went to bed with me, I would make you sleep in the wet patch.

BEAST said...

Probably tired and a bit insecure so he didnt want to leave his old Beasty. I would have been more suspicious if it was Lloyd as that would be a revenge wee (becuase he got the small half of the biscuit or I stroked Alfie more than him). Come to think of it Lloyd has the look of Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
If you went to bed with me, I would make you sleep in the wet patch.

There wouldn't be much sleepin MJ
***lurid wink***

Pink Drama said...

we all know it was really you, beasty. you know, they have a cure for incontience, sweetie. we'll just call a good urologist and have you set up with an appointment. all the senior citizens say a bladdertack is all the rage these days.

BEAST said...

Pinky, its very convenient to have a dog to blame it on

Lord Tennisanyone said...

I can hear Lloyd singin'
"I don't wet any-bo-dy else
When I sleep beside you
I pee myself
Oh no I don't wet anywhere else
Oh no, oh no, oh no"

Fear not.
Golden Showers bring May Flowers.

Anonymous said...

Oh my little boy does make me smile:-) he misses his daddy, and i think the simple fact of spending the night with beast would make human or beast piss its self with fear.... i put it down to attention seeking..

MJ said...

15th...I'm 15th if you don't count that one deleted comment.

YAY!

BEAST said...

Lord Tennisanyone said...
I can hear Lloyd singin'
"I don't wet any-bo-dy else
When I sleep beside you
I pee myself
Oh no I don't wet anywhere else
Oh no, oh no, oh no"

Fear not.
Golden Showers bring May Flowers.

what a catchy little ditty your lordship . As they say in every life a little rain must fall , I could just do without it being warm and golden and ON MY BED

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Oh my little boy does make me smile:-) he misses his daddy, and i think the simple fact of spending the night with beast would make human or beast piss its self with fear....
If I didnt know better , I would suspect you have been secretly training them to do it
i put it down to attention seeking..

GRRRRRRRRRRR there it is
The second most infuriating comment EVER.....ATTENTION SEEKING GRRRRRR

BEAST said...

MJ said...
15th...I'm 15th if you don't count that one deleted comment.

YAY!


Whose a clever girl then

What do you reckon Mr C......attention seeking ????

Anonymous said...

I agree your doing it again, you just cant help yourself.... god knows how you will cope when you have them for a weeek... tooodles poodle....

Beast at work said...

BAH :-(

Daisy said...

this is why i have smaller dogs...it doesn't leak all the way through to the mattress :)

yes i have learned this lesson well!

mutleythedog said...

Its a good job it was only dogs and not horses or zebras or something like that...

MJ said...

Attention seeking?

Or sozzled?

Beast at work said...

Daisy . the alternative is Rubber sheets I suppose

Mr Mutley , I make the horse wear a nappy , the zebra prefers to sleep in the bath

MJ nothing would suprise me

Frobisher said...

Good Boy! (feeds Alfie extra sausage).

I suspect its something to do with Karma.

Newforestandy said...

I am so glad I dont have this problem after taking Steve for a walk!

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
Good Boy! (feeds Alfie extra sausage).

I suspect its something to do with Karma.

Karma?? it was definatley wee

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
I am so glad I dont have this problem after taking Steve for a walk!

Steve looked like a leaker to me

FirstNations said...

I suppose if i came over and wet on your leg you'd call it attention seeking. HA. its called







attention seeking.




*slinks off*

beast at work said...

Miss FN . I have no problem with attention seeking..Altho a simple HELLO I AM HERE should suffice....

Mr C however regards it as a crime against humanity. So feel free to wet on his leg.
See if you can fill a shoe

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

I suggest next time you visit him you begin the habit of dumping in his shoe and blaming the dog. and start saying, its not so funny how he always does it to YOU now, IS IT?
Oh, that reminded me of an alcholic ex girlfriend on ship who used to wet the bed after drinking to much... I found out she was having several 'bits on the side' when the purser came up with a telex requesting 6 new matresses for the crews quarters. They didn't call her the leaking pin cushion for nothing.

Daisy said...

beast...or a padded room...

Tickersoid said...

My entire downstairs carpeting and soft furnishings have been lost to poodle piss. You have my sympathy.

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