In the early hours of monday morning Beast was dragged from beneath his fragrant Duvet by the insitant ringing of the Beast phone to be summoned to an ailing Miss MJ's assistance .
As the Betty Ford swat team tightened the last strap and manhandled Miss MJ off for 'a long rest' , Beast was given instructions to look after Miss MJ's favourite pet for the duration.
This bad tempered , evil smelling brute is now making the Beasts life a mysery .It has so far demolished the Beasts nest of occasional tables to build a dam in the bath and is eyeing my classic oak dining table in a very nasty way. To keep the little swine out of trouble I have taken to wearing it strapped to my head as a hat.If it was good enough for Davey Crocket its good enough for me.
Relations had been a little cool with Miss Scarlet of late after the buttered buttocks/patio doors incident , that resulted in Miss S knocking off a very terse letter of complaint to Mr C advising that propper staff training and tighter stock control at Cafe C would have prevented a nasty situation and some very stubborn stains.She has however recognised the comedic potential of my current house guest and has taken to late night anonimous phone calls where she breathes in a variety of ridiculous accents "Nice Beaver Mr Beastie" and then guffaws loudly .
One has to excuse Miss Scarlet sometimes . She lives in the middle of a field in darkest Devon where this type of behaviour and whittling mangle wurzels passes for entertaining evening in until television reception arrives (expected Late 2015) .In case your wondering a Devonian evening out usually involves a portable BBQ and shovel and scraping something up off the road.
However I digress , I am sure you will all join me in wishing Miss MJ a speedy return to her Mojo .