Tuesday, 9 March 2010

THE MANAGEMENT

Gentle reader , as you sit quietly relaxing with your herbal tea  , music of the 'easy listening' variety and the luxuriant aroma of pot pouri wafting around your ratty brushed nylon housecoat , spare a thought for poor Beast and Mr C wrestling with the rigours of managing the crew at Cafe C  , ensuring we provide Dorchesters premier entertaining experience.
Mr C had to quelle an attempted staff mutiny on Saturday and metered out a healthy dollop of 'Tough Love' to all concerned.......In a nutshell ,there was harsh words , sulking , trembling lower lips ,sending homes , a severe dressing down and a final reconciliation .
What was the Beast doing during all this argy bargy you may ask......stoically manning a smoking Panini Machine , marshalling a dizzying array of 'light bite' meals and wrangling the biggest heap of washing up you ever saw.
Saturday Evening's Cafe C Caberet Night was soon upon us . A solid 10 hours of wicked entertainment and wild partying . Our first act , local singer Peggy turned in a stirling performance before falling victim to Mr C's lethal 'Cock in a Frock' cocktail and had to be manhandled sobbing from the building and thrown with her guitar  into the back of a waiting Taxi .
This was followed in swift succesion by two Karoakeying Trannies (Their murdering of Bohemian Rhapsody was probably what set  a drink addled Peggy  a'sobbing.It certainly made me bilious ) and  a triumphant Crap Bingo with Mavis.
There was a short interlude before part of Local band the dinner Ladies took to the stage and finally to finish up a stonking evening , there was frenzied dancing to the marvellous mixing of DJ Richie T.


Many hours later As Mr C and James were about to close , one of the late arriving punters made a dash for the loo , had a volcanic gastric incident of the rear end variety , before fleeing the building and waddling off into a bright new dawn. On making this horrific discovery at 5 am , accompanied by exclamations of disgust and plenty of dry heaving the Management Comittee(Mr C and James , as our hero Beast was long ago tucked up in his bed , recharging ready for the morning clean up shift) decided to firmly close the lavatory door and sort it out in the morning.

I arrived fresh from a good nights sleep and an hours commute listening to the Archers omnibus , scurried into the Cafe and headed straight to the Lavatory to empty my straining bladder , on joyfully throwing the door open , I was nearly knocked over by the foul stench and then slowly took in the besplattered horror that was emerging from the fug .....  slammed the door pretty damn quick , wee'd in the garden and started cleaning the restaurant in complete denial of what was lurking beyond the green door.

James stumbled in about two hours later to assist with the cleanup and I realised I iether had to
1)take charge of the situation and 2)advantage of James's befuddled sleep deprived state
or
Face the horrific poo begrimed consequences myself.
Stopping briefly to trawl my memory for the principles of modern management I leapt into decisive action .

1.Frog marched James to the Lavatory door Strong Leadership
2.Shoved a cloth , mop , steaming bucket of bleach water and rubber gloves into James trembling hands Ensure the tools are readily available to do the job
3.Chirped Merrilly 'I am sure you are going to do a marvellous job' Encouragement
4.'As long as your careful where you tread and don't breath Coaching
5.I then held my breath ,
 whipped the door open and shoved the happless James in Strong Leadership AGAIN.....I am a natural at this
6.I Popped my head round the door when the choking had stopped and helpfully shouted 'I think you missed some over there ****Gesticulates wildly at nothing in particular*** On going feedback and engagement with the task in hand
7. And eventually held the bucket and made wild promises of  cups of tea as James completed his task and dry heaved(Attention seeking)  pathetically for a bit Typical post project empty management promises .
As Mr C says , Who was directing the cleanup operation by means of his messenger hand maiden Midge from his Second floor boudoire ,  Its all about team building 

66 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

And what a splendid team you make, BEAST. Why, your selfless attention to duty brings a tear to my eye.

Or maybe it's just the lingering stench from that lav...?


Yay! First!

Princess said...

Dear Mr Beast,

There is nothing more revolting than fecal explosions in public lavatories.

I commend you on your quick thinking,(Shutting the door and peeing in the garden)

Astute management skills (delegation of approriate duties) and
Implementation of invitro team building (positive feedback, encouragement and supervision).

You are a natural leader.

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
And what a splendid team you make, BEAST. Why, your selfless attention to duty brings a tear to my eye.
Sickening isnt it Mr De Vice

Or maybe it's just the lingering stench from that lav...?
The Lave is now pristine and fragrant you will be pleased to know . I of course take all credit for that

Yay! First!

Indeed you are

BEAST said...

Princess said...
Dear Mr Beast,

There is nothing more revolting than fecal explosions in public lavatories.
There speaks a Princess who hasnt experienced Frobishers Brown Rice Salad
I commend you on your quick thinking,(Shutting the door and peeing in the garden)
Clear thinking in the face of adversity

Astute management skills (delegation of approriate duties) and
Implementation of invitro team building (positive feedback, encouragement and supervision).

You are a natural leader.
Which is a surprise to everyone , but we are programmed for self preservation I guess :-)

eroswings said...

Was it Piggy who did it?

Back when I was in the hospitality industry--summer jobs, temp jobs--Pine Sol was my friend. That heavenly pine scent made cleaning up horrible, foul messes tolerable.

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Was it Piggy who did it?
I don't know who done it , as I wasnt there at the time
Back when I was in the hospitality industry--summer jobs, temp jobs--Pine Sol was my friend. That heavenly pine scent made cleaning up horrible, foul messes tolerable.
Personally I love the smell of bleach ***dabs bleach behind ears***

Scarlet Blue said...

Thank you Mr Beastie for not illustrating this post. I am most grateful.
Sx

inkspot said...

Where does the word cocktail come from? I mean, think about it.

KAZ said...

Thank you so much for sharing this with us Beast.
Is MJ staying with you at café C by any chance?

JC said...

"The Lave is now pristine and fragrant you will be pleased to know . I of course take all credit for that"


That's extremely strange - I thought that as I cleaned up the aforesaid S**t and the fact my finger went through the glove............ I could take all credit! Having said that - perhaps Beast is taking on more of Mr C's traits - after all you are now there most of your waking hours!!!!!

Anonymous said...

i know the pair of you flys round shit BOOM BOOM GET IT :-)

BEAST said...

Scarlet Blue said...
Thank you Mr Beastie for not illustrating this post. I am most grateful.

It was a close run thing Miss S , luckily good taste won through

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Where does the word cocktail come from? I mean, think about it.

I dread to think Inky . Your a man of learning....you tell us

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Beast.
Is MJ staying with you at café C by any chance?

Heaven forbid Miss Kaz , The Filthy Friday Cafe C edition doesnt bear thinking about

BEAST said...

JC said...
"The Lave is now pristine and fragrant you will be pleased to know . I of course take all credit for that"
The Cafe C cleanup was like a rudderless ship without my hand firmly on the tiller :-)

That's extremely strange - I thought that as I cleaned up the aforesaid S**t and the fact my finger went through the glove............ I could take all credit! Having said that - perhaps Beast is taking on more of Mr C's traits - after all you are now there most of your waking hours!!!!!
If I could make up a bed under the sink I could save all those living expenses .
However we need to all give James a round of applause for tackling the ghastly lav :-))

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
i know the pair of you flys round shit BOOM BOOM GET IT :-)

Oh look James its our glorious Leader
Basil Thrush

mutleythedog said...

I once found a pair of incontinence pants and a used catheter in our pub - truly disturbing as it was British Legion night....

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Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on beastch@hotmail.co.uk...COME AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO