Gentle reader , as you sit quietly relaxing with your herbal tea , music of the 'easy listening' variety and the luxuriant aroma of pot pouri wafting around your ratty brushed nylon housecoat , spare a thought for poor Beast and Mr C wrestling with the rigours of managing the crew at Cafe C , ensuring we provide Dorchesters premier entertaining experience.
Mr C had to quelle an attempted staff mutiny on Saturday and metered out a healthy dollop of 'Tough Love' to all concerned.......In a nutshell ,there was harsh words , sulking , trembling lower lips ,sending homes , a severe dressing down and a final reconciliation .
What was the Beast doing during all this argy bargy you may ask......stoically manning a smoking Panini Machine , marshalling a dizzying array of 'light bite' meals and wrangling the biggest heap of washing up you ever saw.
Saturday Evening's Cafe C Caberet Night was soon upon us . A solid 10 hours of wicked entertainment and wild partying . Our first act , local singer Peggy turned in a stirling performance before falling victim to Mr C's lethal 'Cock in a Frock' cocktail and had to be manhandled sobbing from the building and thrown with her guitar into the back of a waiting Taxi .
This was followed in swift succesion by two Karoakeying Trannies (Their murdering of Bohemian Rhapsody was probably what set a drink addled Peggy a'sobbing.It certainly made me bilious ) and a triumphant Crap Bingo with Mavis.
There was a short interlude before part of Local band the dinner Ladies took to the stage and finally to finish up a stonking evening , there was frenzied dancing to the marvellous mixing of DJ Richie T.
Many hours later As Mr C and James were about to close , one of the late arriving punters made a dash for the loo , had a volcanic gastric incident of the rear end variety , before fleeing the building and waddling off into a bright new dawn. On making this horrific discovery at 5 am , accompanied by exclamations of disgust and plenty of dry heaving the Management Comittee(Mr C and James , as our hero Beast was long ago tucked up in his bed , recharging ready for the morning clean up shift) decided to firmly close the lavatory door and sort it out in the morning.
I arrived fresh from a good nights sleep and an hours commute listening to the Archers omnibus , scurried into the Cafe and headed straight to the Lavatory to empty my straining bladder , on joyfully throwing the door open , I was nearly knocked over by the foul stench and then slowly took in the besplattered horror that was emerging from the fug ..... slammed the door pretty damn quick , wee'd in the garden and started cleaning the restaurant in complete denial of what was lurking beyond the green door.
James stumbled in about two hours later to assist with the cleanup and I realised I iether had to
1)take charge of the situation and 2)advantage of James's befuddled sleep deprived state
Face the horrific poo begrimed consequences myself.
Stopping briefly to trawl my memory for the principles of modern management I leapt into decisive action .
1.Frog marched James to the Lavatory door Strong Leadership
2.Shoved a cloth , mop , steaming bucket of bleach water and rubber gloves into James trembling hands Ensure the tools are readily available to do the job
3.Chirped Merrilly 'I am sure you are going to do a marvellous job' Encouragement
4.'As long as your careful where you tread and don't breath Coaching
5.I then held my breath ,
whipped the door open and shoved the happless James in Strong Leadership AGAIN.....I am a natural at this
6.I Popped my head round the door when the choking had stopped and helpfully shouted 'I think you missed some over there ****Gesticulates wildly at nothing in particular*** On going feedback and engagement with the task in hand
7. And eventually held the bucket and made wild promises of cups of tea as James completed his task and dry heaved(Attention seeking) pathetically for a bit Typical post project empty management promises .
As Mr C says , Who was directing the cleanup operation by means of his messenger hand maiden Midge from his Second floor boudoire , Its all about team building
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