Wednesday, 17 March 2010

I HAVE AN ITCHY BUMHOLE - A REBUTTAL....GEDDDIIIIIiT ?????

As many a modern celebrity has found to their cost , what started out as just another rather dull evening rapidly went down hill on the discovery of  a vile slur suddenly appearing in the published media.

The Beast was pottering around at home , half heartedly perving over Seven of Nine in a rather dull episode of voyager   (Sad....yes , but one has to get ones jollies wherever they present themselves).
Suddenly a thought occured to me that Mr C was about to visit  , which I dismissed immediatley as nonsense as a) Mr C hasn't visited for months and b) Mr C's car is fecked at the moment . However dear reader , one should always follow ones gut instincts , and however improbable this may seem , I always know when Mr C is heading my way.....I don't know why , or how , I just do.
When the doorbell started manically ringing 5 minutes later , I knew I had missed my chance to switch all the lights out and hide under the stairs.
I opened the door to the usual whirlwind   . Mr C swept past and began talking ten to the dozen while routing thru the  the fridge and simultaniously banging and rattling the toaster , berating me that the cheap peace of crap didnt work , buy cheap buy twice  blah , blah , blah(He hadnt plugged it in ) , how the contents of my fridge would shame an anorexic blah , blah , blah(as he piled everything that was in there between two slices of butter slathered toast) , elbowed me away from  my PC while giving  loud demands for coffee (Not the cheap shit I usually give my guests - mind you) and complaining about my PC.
Then as suddenly as he arrived  , Mr C let out a loud belch , jumped up and ***POOF*** was gone , leaving nothing but a dirty plate , an empty mug, a few mayonaisy hand prints and a cloud of scathing insults buzzing in the air like hungry mosqito's to mark his passage.
It was five minutes later that a flurry of  sarcastic comments and supportive private messages started arriving from Facebook , as I suddenly realised to my horror I had left myself logged into Facebook , with Mr C at liberty on the PC .
Beastly Fartypants had procalimed to the social networking hordes the legend I HAVE AN ITCHY BUMHOLE
I would like to thank all those fellow 'Sufferers' for your support and  helpful advice and rest assured I will never reveal you affliction to the world FROBISHER and should I ever be struck down with an irrascible sphincter I will definatly boil an onion in milk and then stuff the squidgy mess in my pants or crouch gratefully upon a bag of frozen peas
For sure thats going to happen :-)

26 comments:

your psycho ex-girlfriend said...

hahahahaha!!!

you need a daddy to come rescue you like britney did!!!


save beastly fairypants!!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I would expect something far more indelicate from Mr C. Or were the other 'legends' not suitable for republishing in a blog-based format?

Anonymous said...

empty jar of peanutbutter a cucumber that was bruised at the end, i had to rescue from a bowl of warm water god knows what that was all about.. but it tasted ok, coffee was ok apart from the hippie shit! soya milk the company was dull, the pc was slow all in all it was great night.. oh what was with all the foam in the bathroom?? i was like i had walked in to a bubble bath party! thiniking about it i should of checked the wardrobes i bet some bastard was hideing in there!!

BEAST said...

your psycho ex-girlfriend said...
hahahahaha!!!

you need a daddy to come rescue you like britney did!!!


save beastly fairypants!!!

BEASTLY FAIRYPANTS !!!! see its starting already , the mocking media knickname like LiLo or Subo , next it will be the lurid accounts of snorting cocoa and wild cheese and onion crisp fueled excess posted by my latvian ex cleaner , while I hide in the Priory with Kerry Kantona

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
I would expect something far more indelicate from Mr C. Or were the other 'legends' not suitable for republishing in a blog-based format?

Mr C was obviously in a good mood , so I got off lightly I suppose :-(

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
empty jar of peanutbutter a cucumber that was bruised at the end, i had to rescue from a bowl of warm water god knows what that was all about.. but it tasted ok, coffee was ok apart from the hippie shit! soya milk the company was dull, the pc was slow all in all it was great night.. oh what was with all the foam in the bathroom?? i was like i had walked in to a bubble bath party! thiniking about it i should of checked the wardrobes i bet some bastard was hideing in there!!

Oh!
It was Coffee Mate not soya milk , mind you its probably about 5 years out of date.....but its only you that has it :-)
The foam was Vanish POWER FOAM , I had been sprucing up my carpets......live fast die young :-))

The Old Tarf said...

Oh the "ring of fire".

Sounds like Mr. C must have "Beam me up Sottie" the way he appeared and disappeared. You where watching Star Trek?

MJ said...

That's BRILLIANT, Mr. C!

BEAST said...

The Old Tarf said...
Oh the "ring of fire".

Sounds like Mr. C must have "Beam me up Sottie" the way he appeared and disappeared. You where watching Star Trek?

Tarf , hope you are well . I suspect you a right , it would explain many things

BEAST said...

MJ said...
That's BRILLIANT, Mr. C!

Oh ! your back .
And shush you will just encourage the blighter

KAZ said...

What a wonderful friend he is - never a dull moment and lots of wisdom to share.
Your rebuttal doesn't fool anyone - hope it's soon better.

Scarlet Blue said...

Resistance is futile, Mr Beastie.... or perhaps this should read: denial is futile?
Sx

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
What a wonderful friend he is - never a dull moment and lots of wisdom to share.
Your rebuttal doesn't fool anyone - hope it's soon better.

Harumph

BEAST said...

Scarlet Blue said...
Resistance is futile, Mr Beastie.... or perhaps this should read: denial is futile?
Sx

A denial Miss Scarlet is tantamount to an admittance.....apparently .
7 of 9 would understand

MJ said...

BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE
BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE
BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE

eroswings said...

Well, I hope there was enough mayo left over for you to make yourself a sandwich.

Lesson learned. Listen to your Mr C sense. When it starts to tingle, move into action!

Frobisher said...

Try Sudocream - my arse is like a blood orange after last night

mutleythedog said...

Do you have a bumhole at all? My Beast Doll does not...

BEAST said...

MJ said...
BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE
BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE
BEAST'S ITCHY BUMHOLE

Is this your new yoga Mantra Miss MJ......I am touched

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Well, I hope there was enough mayo left over for you to make yourself a sandwich.
Mr E......there was not
Lesson learned. Listen to your Mr C sense. When it starts to tingle, move into action!

This is like some awesome super power , shall I make myself a lycra suit ???

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
Try Sudocream - my arse is like a blood orange after last night

Mr Fobisher ....you are a trial , the doctor warned you that a man in your condition could not take protracted Space Hopper sessions . I suppose Mu Tai was egging you on

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Do you have a bumhole at all? My Beast Doll does not...

The Beast Love Dolly is an aboration Mr Mutley , I am sueing the makers for defamation and breach of copyright as we speak , I shall add the missing bumhole to the list

donn w2Nz said...

Most end-lightening.
Let us hope that the matter in hand is soon rectumfied.

Now, let us never speak of this unpleasantness again.

mutleythedog said...

There is light at the end of the tunnel then.... ?

UBERMOUTH said...

Well, at least you're not anal retentive?

MJ said...

You have let us all down by not submitting a tin foil hat photo.

I suppose you were too busy scratching your itchy bumhole.

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