Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Saturday was Dorchester's famous performing arts festival . Cafe C was one of the featured venues for the days proceedings.
Things were not looking good as I fought my way thru the evil smelling crowds to start work at Cafe C. A depressed looking 'poet' was declaiming his tortured verse from the main stage by the town pump , the rabble of disgruntled peasants in front of the stage were looking restive and I feared a lynching.
Incidentally the main stage was almost billed as the Cafe C Stage , but following diva like demands by the arts council and a hissy fit over the sound system(Which Cafe C was going to provide) , Mr C had a tantrum and withdrew his patronage (and sound system) .
Anyway we had a day of being entertained by a string of performers on the stage in Cafe C itself .
First up was a girl with big blond whirly Princess Leah ear hair , and a voice that could strip paint , she bought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'off key' .Had she performed like this 200 years ago , the woman would have been dragged from Cafe C and burnt at the stake in the town square......
This was followed by a very good folk duo .~Then , a couple of acts I missed entirely as I was up to my armpits in salad leaves , steaming paninis and dirty crockery and finished with an excellent classical guitar player , who stoically sat and played his 45 minute set altho all the punters had buggered off to the beach as it was a beautiful hot afternoon .
After all this excitement we had a couple of hours to prep up and prepare Cafe C for the infamous Rubber Duck Nite .
One thing that made me laugh was the young Kitchen assistant John was all agog because he had never seen a drag artiste before.He was peering out of a crack in the kitchen door to get a good look while the act was having a drink before taking to the stage
Picture the scene . Mr C was sitting chatting at a table with a couple of blokes , a couple of middle aged women and a burly man in a sparkly dress , 9 inch stiletto's and a two foot platinum beehive . John studied this tableau studiously for about 5 minutes and then said to me
'Which one is it then ???? '.......honestly , you have to worry about the youth of today !.
The rest of the evening went past in a blur of drizzled salad dressing and piles of washing up , punctuated for me only by the arrival of Frobisher and his entourage as they majestically swept into the Cafe and got torn to shreds by the acid tongued drag act , and a drunken Mr C stumbling about toward the end giggling merrily to himself and falling over the furniture.
Holiday Monday we debated wether it was worth opening the Cafe , and eventually decided we would , which , as it happens was the right decision as it was so busy we managed to completely sell out of food.....
All told it was a tiring but enjoyable weekend , what did you all get up to ???
Friday, 22 May 2009
This morning The Beast is 'Working' from home , while I wait for the washing machine repair man to turn up .
I am dutifully signed in to the works computer system , and periodically asking my boss strange and pointless questions on instant messenger .The poor man is an innocent , he takes this as a positive sign that I am beavering away for the greater glory of the corperation
MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
***selects another donut from platter and flicks thru the tv chanels***
Monday, 18 May 2009
In these ruinous times , Beastbite is reeling from a Quadruple barrage of insults .
A Beastbite reader (Frobisher - from , one assumes, ironically named Frobishers Fun Pages)
remarked that Beastbite was a "Tawdry Little blog" , I am sure Frobisher meant this with love.
As undoubtably even the bitter have a heart.
Prehaps he was referring to his role model and muse the redoubtable Miss Tawdry Hepburn.
Who incedentally looks suspiciously like our very own Cantankerous Canadian , Miss MJ , who is constantly casting aspersions on the cleanliness of Beasts bedding and alluding to foul fruit related activities - an excess of alcohol and PMS does strange things to a person ,be charitable gentle reader , one should not judge.
More recently an increasingly panicked British Prime Minister sort desperate measures to deflect public criticism by groundlessly attacking Beastbite(see previous post comments) on its recent partial closure that 'Flabby Pedestrian Blogs with few readers' would rightly fail ,making way for more nekkid old men on Infomaniac, no doubt or Miss Scarlets
Paradoxically Miss Scarlet could not possibly get it more wrong than the current crop of wankers.
Beastbite is no stranger to a spot of Political Controversy having previously been told to 'Fuck off you bald bastard' , by Lord Geoffrey archer after accidentally calling him a skank on his blog comments.
Beast will attempt to weather these slings and arrows of outragious fortune , with a firm resolve and a pure heart.
Expect another post possibly next week
Friday, 15 May 2009
Sadly , life is just getting too busy at present to continue with my blog on any sort of regular basis .
With two Jobs , 14 hour days 3 times a week , lots of commuting and 1 day off a week to get everything else sorted.
Basically something has got to give . I will try and keep up with commenting on other blogs and will post when I have anything to post about and the time to do it .
Anyone can drop me a mail on Beastch@hotmail.co.uk for matters of urgent attention , and I will be back fully, when and if things calm down
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
I am having one of those days. I have been stumbling about dropping stuff and walking into doors since I dragged meself from beneath my fragrant duvet and frankly feel half dead.
Could it have been the wild excitement of the beauties on the prowl
Or is it the shocking news that Katie and Peter are to divorce. I am gutted , bang goes one of my trash TV staples .
Friday, 8 May 2009
Monday, 4 May 2009
Sunday Morning at the crack of dawn I had to meet the other members of the Cafe C Glitterati (Minus Frobisher who delivered a magnificent snub) at the Rownhams Motorway services(Oh the Glamour) , for our day trip to Chessington world of adventures .
Mr C , never a morning person was wrapped up in his hoody and big Joan Collins Sunglasses , lounging and groaning in the front passenger seat , being hand fed sips of coffee and pringles by his two attendant hand maidens Midge and Samantha.
James behind the wheel was rolling his eyes and looking stoically pained at all this drama .
Eventually we arrived at Chessington World of Adventures and scuttled towards the entrance clutching the site map . As it turned out we needn't have worried Mr C had painstakingly planned out our progress round the park not by the rides but by meal concessions.
It has long been said an army marches on its stomach , so it appears does Cafe C .
Our itinerary went thus
Bacon Double Cheese Burger Meal
Doctor Farts Bubble Works (Or whatever its called)
Where we got told off over the tanoy system mid ride as Mr C was over excited from all the E numbers in his burger and behaving childishly.
The swinging boat thing
Fish and chips
Billy the Wizz chairoplane
Rollercoastery thing on a rickety track that I think was called the rattlesnake
Dragons Fury Again
Dragons Falls Again
Donut and Coffee
Park closed ....we got thrown out.
It was a marvellous day and we all really enjoyed ourselves .
My day was rounded off when Mr C broke wind very loudly in the motorway service cafe . Some poor old pensioner who was sitting two tables away and had obviously saved her meagre pension for three months to enjoy a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows , was so shocked she chocked on a marshmallow and blew the whipped cream up the window. I was so embarrassed it obviously looked like it was me , only confirmed when Mr C imperiously glared at me and said HOW DISGUSTING and swept out.
***A sobbing Beast creeps off into the gathering dark***
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