Monday, 18 May 2009

STICKS AND STONES




In these ruinous times , Beastbite is reeling from a Quadruple barrage of insults .


A Beastbite reader (Frobisher - from , one assumes, ironically named Frobishers Fun Pages)


remarked that Beastbite was a "Tawdry Little blog" , I am sure Frobisher meant this with love.
As undoubtably even the bitter have a heart.
Prehaps he was referring to his role model and muse the redoubtable Miss Tawdry Hepburn.
Who incedentally looks suspiciously like our very own Cantankerous Canadian , Miss MJ , who is constantly casting aspersions on the cleanliness of Beasts bedding and alluding to foul fruit related activities - an excess of alcohol and PMS does strange things to a person ,be charitable gentle reader , one should not judge.




More recently an increasingly panicked British Prime Minister sort desperate measures to deflect public criticism by groundlessly attacking Beastbite(see previous post comments) on its recent partial closure that 'Flabby Pedestrian Blogs with few readers' would rightly fail ,making way for more nekkid old men on Infomaniac, no doubt or Miss Scarlets Messing about with Tarot Cards In Depth Economic forcast .

Paradoxically Miss Scarlet could not possibly get it more wrong than the current crop of wankers.



Beastbite is no stranger to a spot of Political Controversy having previously been told to 'Fuck off you bald bastard' , by Lord Geoffrey archer after accidentally calling him a skank on his blog comments.

Beast will attempt to weather these slings and arrows of outragious fortune , with a firm resolve and a pure heart.
Expect another post possibly next week

46 comments:

Scarlet-Blue said...

Oh, am I running for Prime Minister now? And why not... I mean, I got unclassified in my maths 'O'Level so I do have all the right qualifications.
*Patters off to write speech entitled 'Scarlet Britain'*
Sx

BEAST said...

Your on to a winner Miss S , with your innate good taste , in depth understanding of bladder control issues and the Tarot to guide you , how could it possibly go wrong

Gorilla Bananas said...

Lord Archer is a fearsome fellow when he's riled. I'm surprised he allowed your comment past moderation.

BEAST said...

As it happens , you are perfectly correct Mr Bananas ,my comment did not make it ontohis blog, and he retorted on my own blog....he didnt seem best pleased

MJ said...

Pink is not my colour!

Miss Scarlet: When do you predict Beast will post again?

MJ said...

Candian?

From Candi Land?

KAZ said...

How could you call Archer 'a skank' accidentally ?
And why were you paying him compliments?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Candid Canadian?
With rock hard nekkid old men?
Sx

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Pink is not my colour!

Miss Scarlet: When do you predict Beast will post again?
Another dream shattered Miss MJ , I always pictured you wafting about in a pink brushed nylon baby doll nightie and mules !

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Candian?

From Candi Land?
Is it cocktail hour already , you sem to be seeing things Miss MJ

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
How could you call Archer 'a skank' accidentally ?
And why were you paying him compliments?
I meant to comment anon Miss Kaz but sadly hit the button in a fit of excitement under my own avatar

BEAST said...

Scarlet-Blue said...
Candid Canadian?
With rock hard nekkid old men?
Sx
Thats almost poetry Miss Scarlet .
I always knew you had a poetic soul

MJ said...

A fit of excitement?

Or excrement?

BEAST said...

MJ said...
A fit of excitement?

Or excrement?
One can lead to the other following Ma Beasties Chick Pea Curry Miss MJ

Scarlet-Blue said...

I've just been cake farted.
Sx

mutleythedog said...

i thought you were busy with your dozens of jobs and whatnot? Lord Archer by the way is normally very nice, despite his skankiness...

BEAST said...

Scarlet-Blue said...
I've just been cake farted.
Sx
Oh !

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
i thought you were busy with your dozens of jobs and whatnot? Lord Archer by the way is normally very nice, despite his skankiness...
I had an afternoon off Mr M , the rest of the week is a nightmare , so make hay while the sun shines , I say

Anonymous said...

dont forget its beasts birthday tomorow the big 50!! happy birthday... :)

MJ said...

Oh...I wonder who could have tipped him off?

I'm already making party plans.

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
dont forget its beasts birthday tomorow the big 50!! happy birthday... :)

Aww thanks even tho I am only 48 grrrrrrrrrrrrr

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Oh...I wonder who could have tipped him off?

I'm already making party plans.
Well I have been dropping hints since January :-)

MJ said...

And the festivities have begun over at Infomaniac.

teehee.

*flounces off innocently*

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Tony Blackburn once called me a 'wanker' when I wouldn't let him jump in front of me in the queue at the bank.

I responded with 'You? Calling ME a wanker? That's the funniest thing I've hear all year'.

I smiled sweetly when two others in the queue applauded.

Oh and Happy Birthday, fat arse.

MJ said...

Happy birthday, Mr. PoopyPants!

BEAST said...

Miss MJ : Thank you for my Birthday Cake Fart , its been 48 years coming so should be nice and ripe by now :-)
Piggy and Tazzy . Thanks for the birthday wishes . Being called a wanker by Tony Blackburn is kinda cool :-)

Scarlet-Blue said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR BEASTIE!
You can borrow my slingbacks if you like.
Sx

BEAST said...

Thank you miss scarlet , but I am quite happy with my trainers

KAZ said...

Happy Birthday Beastie darling.
X

BEAST said...

Thanks Kaz
I have lasted 48 years and am maturing nicely .....like an old cheese :-)

MJ said...

I smell old cheese in here.

*sprays Febreze*

BEAST said...

MUST BE YOUR SHOES MISS MJ

MJ said...

MORE LIKELY YOUR SOILED NAPPY!

BEAST said...

pffffft
Your not allowed to be rude to the birthday boy

MJ said...

pffffft
Your not allowed to be rude to the birthday boy


Right. Well just for today then.

Is Ma Beastie making you a special curry?

BEAST said...

I shouldnt think so Miss MJ , Ma Beasty is lurkin in her kitchen 3 hours drive away , unless she is freezing down some horror to feed to me when I visit

inkspot said...

Is Ma Beastie a bad cook who tries to be a good cook, or a bad cook who is just not interested? Ma Inkspot is the latter; I still recall my shock on finding at boarding school (a shudder-making experience in all regards) that fried eggs didn't have to be black underneath.

MJ said...

Only half an hour 'til midnight and I can start being a bitch again.

Enjoy my pleasant personality while it lasts!

BEAST said...

Inky . Ma Beasty is an excellent cook , however the sorry tale of Ma Beasties Chickpea curry , is probably lurking in the archive somewhere but I havn't got time to find it . The short version is this , I was yacking to Ma B on the phone and mentioned I didnt know what to have for tea . She said Oh oh try this recipe . I did , it was foul and resulted in a disturbed night of intestinal torture and a shocking gastric incident in the early hours . When I phoned Ma Beasty to remonstrate with her , she gleefully shouted I Know , ghastly wasnt it , your poor father still goes pale at the mere mention of it , I am glad it wasnt just me Harumph.

Miss MJ . Its now business as usual .....bring it on :-)

MJ said...

Your age will soon exceed your waist size.

BEAST said...

Cheeky baggage !

mutleythedog said...

I have a case of Gold Label with your name on it... if your name is Gold Label... ahem.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Is that you in the top pic?
Sx

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley: Gold Label is quite an apealing name , I think I might change .
Miss Scarlet . Of course its not a picture of Mr Mutlley.he is a platinum blonde , silly.

mutleythedog said...

I have recently been clean shaven- its all the rage these days... we call it a back, sack and crack....

Daisy said...

oh beast i think you are just lovely...even with my glasses on :)

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