IN WHICH FROBISHER HAS A MANASTROPHE(UrbanDict)

I bumped into Frobisher the other evening when we all went out for dinner . Frobisher changed jobs a few years ago and was released from the control of Sarah Lawrence who has also changed career and is now the biker chick undertaker (don't ask! she now rides a motorbike to work , shouts an anyone who will listen that ITS A F*CKING BIG BIKE (any dissent or sarky comments regarding the bikes size may get a surprise visit to discuss ones imminent requirement for a funeral package).

Anyway Sarah ran a very tight ship and expected perfect manners, diction , grammar and spelling.

Frobisher is now working with young people and has gone all street.

He tells me his bitches be super swaggy . It took me ages searching urban dictionaries to work out he had probably bought his home help new rubber gloves.He also insists Tobydog is now called Tobydawg as the dog has 'madskillz'' 

Moving on from Frobisher's ongoing mid life crisis(A manastropy in urban terms) and to Tobydawg

.

What Frobisher doesn't know is Tobydawg does indeed have "madskillzz" and has been promoted to my therapy dog.

A while back when I had the bladder cancer removal opps they did something to one of my nerves  controlling my right leg causing it to ache , tire very quickly and not work properly. The consultants just said oh dear  well they do have to get you into some pretty weird positions to do the opps but hopefully it will get better. I   limped around for about a year and it didn't reallly improve.

One day I was just walking down Mr C's back passage when Tobes came charging down the stairs behind me on route for the garden and piled straight into me  at full pelt knocking me flat on my face. I mean lliterally face plant.

When I staggered up off the floor Tobes was just wagging his tail and jumping about . I could tell straight away my leg felt better. The discomfort had gone and it just felt different. and over the following few weeks I marched about strengthening it up . These days it is almost entirely back to normal

So Tobydog sorry dawg is now my chiropractor therapy dog

COVID CLAMITY

There has been much discussion as to how people are reacting to these lockdowns and the often odd affects manifesting themselves.

I had been booked in for a MRI scan to see how Brian the brain thingy  is getting along . The main Dorset County Hospital being besieged by COVID patience, the procedure was moved to a private hospital called The Winterbourne

I turned up with plenty of time and then had to go through the torturous admittance procedures . You were so far away from the reception desk and having to wear a mask , receptionist balling at you WHAT IS YOUR NAME

WHAT??!?? 

NAME??!??

COLIN!

STROLLING ??!!??

NO COLIN C  O  L  I  N 

WHAT??!!??

After twenty or so minutes of this I finally was dispatched to the MRI scanner that was in a lovely trailer in the car park

Got all ready on the moving bed thing , neck brace , head immobiliser visor and earphones and the 2  nurses and doctor peeping over a barrier in the corner . 

Just as the doctor shouted in we go! the thing started  to feed you head first into the scanner .

I HAD THE BIGGEST FUCKING PANIC ATTACK . 

never had one before in my life , had loads of scans before during the Brian episode nothing. 

Jump up ,  ripped off all the gear and legged it into the car park . Finally bought down by the two nurses before I made it to the road(Excellent rugby tackle I have to say) with them both shouting RELAX .... BREATHE... YOUR SAFE NOW  . 

Some of the poor nervous devils traipsing across the car park to reception for their appointments must of thought I was an escapee from the birthing pool..I wonder how many thought fuck this and legged it.

Both myself and the two nurses ended up  in a heap in the corner of the car park and just laughing and laughing.

I was mortified

I am going to have to book another one and they have suggested I consider sedation next time round . The nurse explained they had been having a large increase in people reacting in exactly the same way , albeit most of them don't make it into the car park. The doctor thought it was a psych reaction to the loss of control of ones life during lock down.

They also suggested a bought a friend to perhaps hold my hand during the scan . 

Can you imagine. 

Mr C .got a moment ????!!

 Bwha ha ha ha ha

 

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE!

 Well Here we are again Lockdown 2.0

It has to be said it is not much fun

Banished from the office since March , stuck out in the sticks on me own , probably a little crazier since it started. 

I have had a few weeks of respite looking after hellhound Tobydog while Mr C goes on yet another emergency holiday (Usually on the excuse that I drive him crazier than is bearable on the same continent but this is strictly dubious as I hardly ever see the fecker) but at least Tobydog loves me 

We had a chance for a fabolous Cafe Jagos work appraisal in the early stages of the first lockdown.

Jagos being a nightclub still remains closed and we are not yet sure when it will able to open again

Mr C's two other pubs where able to open in July but have been closed again for the second lockdown

Mr C opined that he had no problem with my work it is only if we are in the same room he feels an overriding urge to hit me!

Mr C's long suffering partner James suppressed a snigger and said I think that was supposed to be encouraging 😁

Now I must go and scout around and see who else is still blogging

Laters