SHORTS

Ma and Pa Beastly have been to stay . To keep the devils occupied and stop them rearranging the furniture every time I turned my back , we went on a little road trip to Westbay , adjacent to Mr Mutleys much loved Bridport.





Poor old Ma Beasty had done her shoulder in and was shuffling about like quasi modo (not that we laughed or took the piss......much mwa ha ha ha ) . It was as Pa Beasty took this picture , I noticed his shorts . They look rather nice , I said suspiciously , as Pa Beasty usually dresses like worzel gummidge
oh these are just some old rag I found in the wardrobe , he preened
But WHOSE wardrobe sniggered Ma Beasty sotto voice
I couldn't believe it the old devil had pinched my favourite Bench shorts




Pa Beasty posing in his Pilfered shorts.
Anyway short of debagging the swine , I had to leave it and get on with the rest of the day .We had a very nice lunch on the quay ,  wanderered about (a lurching shuffle in Ma Beasties case ***snigger***) and eventually retired to Dorchester to the Cafe C garden for a dorset cream tea hosted by an uncharacteristically jovial Mr C .
Replete with their free tea I then had to endure the fossils waxing lyrically all the way home about how Mr C was always their favourite son , so polite , funny and industrious..blah blah blah... Not like the rest of us dull , work shy deadweights .
I tried in vain to point out he wasn't actually their son , which was summarily dismissed as a mere accident of biology , genetics and location.....bloody cheek!






In more Cafe C news . Saturday was going so well until the oven door exploded.
I off course got the blame.:-(
So a typical week . Robbed . Disowned.Wrongfully accused ....oh and I cracked a rib staggering about with the Cafe C Stage .
But am I bitter
HELL YES!
**** kicks next doors cat***

DISCONNECTED

The Beasts Lair is 'sans Interwebs' at present as the 'connection has got in a knot' or somesuch technical nonsense.
I am assured that a highly trained team of technicians is Beavering* away to restore my connectivity (and bring balance to the force ****Beast waves rubber light sabre about and makes Star Wars noises*** )

*This was blatantly just a ploy to show yet another picture of Miss MJ's beaver

Update 8/7 . Still without Internet . spent hours on the phone to various different levels of Talktalk support ....going round and round in circles grrrrrrrrrr. I shall just sit and gaze at MJ's beaver and hope divine intervention strikes :-(

GOING GA GA

-Do you know I haven't got a clue what to post about.I could waffle on about the Cafe C weekend shenanigans .
James got a groin strain dirty dancing with 25 Drunken young women inexplicably dressed as Lady Ga Ga.(the ladies not James...he was dressed as Dame Judy Dench as usual , he has not got the legs for it but will he listen to reason)
Mr C burnt my lovingly prepared tapas canapes ( I say lovingly prepared....I opened the box and placed them on a lightly greased tray for god sake ).
Frobisher was festering at the sink as another act had been booked instead of Mavis , I could hear him muttering about rubbish singing and huffing at the jokes as he moodily slung the washing up about in the sink . Mr C sneaked in the kitchen and warily eyeing Frobisher said loudly
"I can smell something BITTER"
and then ran off before he was decapitated by a plate

The lovely Miss Marsh was guesting at the bar , but luckily no underpants when missing this time. There are rumours of ghastly gastric incidents following her culinary experiments , which have resulted in furtive flushings of said begrimed undergarments , or maybe she steals them and spends her Sunday evenings dancing sound with them on her head....sniffing , they do strange things in Basingstoke.

Then again I could just sit here
And do nothing
Harumph!
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SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE 2

Miss MJ patron saint of saggy nekkid old men , incontinence and "aromatic" cake has been cruelly forced from our lives.

Where else will I discover tea bagging isn't just getting aerobic with ones afternoon tea , or the wisdom of giving your slice of cake a quick sniff and inspecting the icing for butt prints before digging in.
In short dear reader Miss MJ has enriched all our lives and shown us things that we would never usually have seen ( and frankly on some occasions , ignorance really can be bliss).
So get your sorry butts over to Mr Eroswings who is taking on corporate America and championing Miss MJ's cause.

Hands off Miss MJ fat cat Mr Google , she may be a smutty old bag , but she is OUR smutty old bag AND WE WANT HER SCRUBBED AND SENT TO OUR ROOM
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAFE C

-Cafe C has been open for two years this week . Once the wild exclamations of fuck me ! why havnt we been closed down??? And the hysterical laughter ( hysterical sobbing on the part of my bank manager) calmed down we got down to the serious business of planning a party.
And what a party it was! An eclectic bill of acts was kicked off with a blissfully short burst of Tranaoke followed by our very own Mavis . Mavis was soon joined on stage by the indescribable Jodie Farce ( look her up on utube) . I was perplexed on how best to describe Miss Farce , I think the phrases " enthusiastic " and " over excited" probably best describe it . MEmories are long and traditions deep rooted in a county town like Dorchester , had Miss Farce performed like this 200 years ago , she would have been dragged from this place and burnt at the stake for demonic possession , Not wanting to risk a throwback Mavis had to storm the stage after three numbers and throw the harpy off , and still the baying crown till our headliner Candy Slag took control. the evening entertainment was rounded into the wee small hours by the dulcet tones of Jack Daniels .
what of our favourite kitchen tyrant and proprietor Mr C...... Bizarrely he drank water all night and didn't shout once. Had I not been up to my neck in steaming pannini and dirty glasses I think I would have been a little freaked out by this.
Sunday was spent cleaning up (me and James) and lounging on the sofa like a super annuated Joan Collins , demanding drinks and food at regular intervals(Mr C ). Finally I got home on Sunday evening to play with my Ipad .
What gentle reader did you get up to ???







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iPad

Wooooo hoooo just got an iPad . Will be back tomorrow when I have finished fiddling :-)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Stamford Rd,Bournemouth,United Kingdom

JUST A QUICKIE

The Beast is without a laptop at present or 'Sans PC' for those with ghastly european tendencies .Stabbing away at my Iphone with big old sausage fingers just does not do it for me .
So
You will just have to amuse yourselves till I pry my laptop back from Mr C's avaricious grasp , him having banjaxed his own laptop in an unpleasant pineapple related incident(Dont ask , it could put you off of fruit salad for life)